[This is my blog’s first-ever guest post. And my mom wrote it. Enjoy!]

I know I’m supposed to write you something about being a better Mom in 10 (or so) easy steps, but I’ve been thinking about it, and realized that the concept of “better” Mom is very subjective. Personally, I think I’m the greatest Mom, b/c I ended up with three absolutely fabulous kids–bright, ambitious, loyal, considerate, adventurous, fun-loving, respectful and devoted to family. In other words, I think you’ve all grown to exemplify the values that I treasure the most–real mensches.

But it occurred to me that others might define “better” differently—frankly, none of you are super-star athletes, artists or musicians which (according to that new book Tiger Mom) makes me a failure for not forcing you guys to practice mercilessly at something. You guys are also not particularly strong at doing chores at home (my fault entirely b/c I took them all on for myself) but to lots of Moms that’s the essence of good child rearing. And who the heck am I anyway to be giving parenting advice to anyone other than my own immediate family????

So maybe what I can offer you, to do with as you wish, is some stuff that I’ve learned along the way–not necessarily about child rearing either. For example, I’ve recently learned:

How to Paint the Bathrooms in Your House and Only Come Close to Killing Yourself

1.  There’s a reason that you’re supposed to shut the electric current before changing light switches or fixtures: I got away with it the first time (just lucky, I guess) but got a big enough shock the second time to totally curl my hair (wait, my hair is already curly). A corollary to this premise is that sometimes other people do actually know what they’re talking about, and are worth listening to…but only sometimes.

ProTip: Find the main circuit breaker for the house. Ours in the basement, in an elecrical cabinet with about 30 other switches. It took some trial and error to find the right switch, but it paid off later in the time saved when actually doing the electrical work without fear of the (sometimes very painful) electric shock.

2.  Preparation is key to success. An hour spent preparing a room to resemble Dexter’s kill room is worth at least 3-4 hours later spent is cleaning up spilled spackle, paint drops and general sloppiness. I now finally get what all that studying was about in school–not to remember the subject matter, but to understand the concept that success comes from preparing, proven to a small degree by the Kaplan-type prep courses and to a lesser degree by the Zachary Petersel do it yourself version.

ProTip: This one is easy: Either watch an actual video demonstration on an episode of Dexter, or get a drop cloth (paint/hardware store) or enormous plastic trash bags and cover absolutely everything in the room that doesn’t move or can’t be replaced.

3.  Using the right tool makes all the difference in the world, or, as a surgeon might say, don’t use a hacksaw when a scalpel will do. This is the same philosophy that lies behind the famous expression “The pen is mightier than the sword.” In the context of construction and/or repairs, having the right tools (or power tools) clearly facilitates the job. But, even in the context of child-rearing, having and using the right tools (hugs, kisses, flattery and occasional bribery) is far and away more effective than the wrong tools (yelling, screaming, belittling, berating and the out and out ridiculous “I’ll give you something to cry about” smack-down).

ProTip: For most of the basic renovation stuff, the basic household tools will do: pencil, ruler, light weight hammer, flat head screwdriver, phillips head screwdriver and drill. It really helps if the screwdriver and drill are power tools with adjustable size bits (loser points for using a 1″ size drill bit to make a hole for a 1/2″ size screw, and vice versa). If working on more than one room at a time, it also helps tremendously to keep the tools in one place and, at my age in particular, to remember where that place is. I can’t tell you the amount of time I’ve wasted on Now where did I leave that ******* screwdriver this time????

Okay, that’s it for the moment. Better get back to work. G-d help me if I ever get a real job where the boss actually cares about what I’m really doing at the computer.

///

[If you want to say hi, leave your comments below and I’ll be sure that Mom gets the message.]