Drinking Games (with actual game rules!)

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts 0 Comment

Here we go. The rules to the three drinking games I’ve had a hand in inventing: The NBA Hangtime DG, The MLB Showdown DG, and Drinking Mario Golf

The NBA Hangtime Drinking Game

Requirements: Nintendo 64 with 4 controllers. Three drinking buddies. Roommates and neighbors who will put up with loud noises.

Time of Play: ~30 minutes.

Rules (for NBA Hangtime):

  1. 2 vs. 2 basketball. Score more points than your opponent to win. Most other basketball rules apply.
  2. You can shove/foul relentlessly. No free throws.
  3. Score three baskets in a row (without your opponent, or teammate, scoring any) to go “on fire.” This gives you unlimited speed boost and 99% shot accuracy until the other team scores.

 

Rules (for the Drinking Game):
  1. You drink every time your teammate scores a point. Take a bigger drink for a 3pt shot.
  2. If you’re the “player of the half,” or “player of the game,” you drink half the number of your injuries incurred. Which means A) you’ll have to be strategic about scoring points (rule 1) if you don’t want to incur uncomfortable halftime drinking, and B) you should be shoving and fouling relentlessly.
  3. If you’re awarded a drink, you’re not allowed to continue playing until you’ve drunk it. (Smart players will continue operating their controller with one hand in the meanwhile, and will also call out other players who forget their drink.)
  4. Take a drink every time you goaltend. This may be strategic if you want to go on fire and prevent the other team from scoring, or, if you’re thirsty.
  5. Everyone gets one drink any time the announcer says something preposterous (including, but not limited to “Baseline Leaner!,” “Wayne Tech!,” and “Slamma-Lamma Ding Dong!”)
Looking back at our rules from last week for a successful drinking game: We’ve accommodated no less than four players. Five rules are not overtly difficult, but could stand to be simpler. You’ve got ample room to be creative (deciding which sayings warrant a drink, and the fact that you’re playing a dynamic video game). And most importantly, it’ll hardly register that you’ll be drinking at a steady clip.

The MLB Showdown Drinking Game

Requirements: MLB Showdown Gameset with 20-sided dice. Three Drinking Buddies.

Time of play: 45 minutes.

Rules (Hoo, boy. Here comes my inner nerd.):

  1. MLB Showdown is a trading card game that (normally) pits two managers against each other in a game of baseball, each armed with a custom team of players (whose real-life talents relate to their in-game abilities) and strategy cards (which dictate the managerial decisions  the game).
  2. Basic play is broken down into two 20-sided dice rolls. One by the batter to determine the swing result (see the chart on the Albert Pujols card above), and before that, a roll by the pitcher to determine whether the batter’s chart or the pitcher’s chart (not pictured, but considerably less favorable than the batter’s chart) will be used to determine the result of the batter’s roll.
  3. Strategy Cards add modifiers to rolls, change results, and create special opportunities based on game circumstances and (loosely, sometimes) based on baseball events. “Swing At Anything” (above), for example, is based on the real-life managerial decision to instruct a batter to swing at any pitch coming. As such, the batter would re-roll a walk result—you couldn’t walk, naturally, if you were swinging!
  4. As the game is currently six years defunct, the best I could find online for comprehensive rules is this guy’s blog/thing/site. Weird.
Basics (For the Drinking Game):
  1. Four managers instead of two. Gameplay is 2-on-2, which each pairing splitting and taking turns at the roles of player (rolling for pitcher and hitter) and manager (handling strategy cards).
  2. Batters give out drinks for reaching base or scoring runs, and take drinks for striking out. Instead of discards (the primary operative of powerful strategy cards is that they require you to discard other cards in your hand), take drinks. Gameplay largely revolves around forcing discards and turning results into strikeouts.
  3. I’ve assembled the complete rules in a viewable Google Doc here.

Compared to our rules for successful drinking games: We’ve accommodated four players. There’s an overabundance of rules—it’d be difficult to train someone completely foreign to trading card games and MLB Showdown…however, the drinking game modifiers are a relatively simple jump from the base game. You’ve got nearly infinite flexibility as to your team strategy. And with cards and dice and everything flying around, it’s rather simple to forget that you’re imbibing.

Drinking Mario Golf

Requirements: Nintendo 64 with 4 controllers. Three drinking buddies.

Rules (For Mario Golf):

  1. Play Golf.
Rules (for the drinking game):
  1. Whenever it’s not your turn, nurse your beer. Since the game decides turn order by whoever’s farthest from the pin, the worse you play, the  less you get to drink.
  2. Whenever it’s not your turn, mash buttons wildly.
Four Players? Check. Rules? Simplest possible. Creativity? That’s what the button mashing is for. Forgetting you’re drinking? Between the game’s sweet serenading songs and your opponents’ flagrant button abuse, there’s no question. Much like actual golf, it’s a slower, tranquil game—perfect for building camaraderie among friends.

 

 

 

 

Drinking Games

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts 1 Comment

I’ve invented two drinking games, which today I’d like to share with you.

After countless revisions, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s quite honestly no way I can present this post without making myself look like an alcoholic. So, to hopefully offset the effect of shocking away future potential employers, here first is an academic look at what makes drinking games good (and bad).

I’ve narrowed it down to four principles that every drinking game should aspire to achieve:

  1. A successful drinking game must accommodate no less than four players.
  2. It must have the simplest rules possible.
  3. It must leave ample room for creativity.
  4. Above all else, it must cause players to forget that they’re drinking, socializing, and playing by rules.
It doesn’t work any other way. Any less than four people, and the players (awkward and introverted by nature) will simply choose to play with just the only other guy they know at the party. These people need drinking games as a crutch to engage others in their social lives (because, you know, drinking alcohol just wasn’t powerful enough). Complicated rules and you’ve got to spend twenty five minutes explaining everything to a new player, while of course combating the fact that many players by game’s end will have a hard enough time remembering their own names (and because, on the whole, simple systems rule).

Here are those principles in action:

Beer Pong, the unquestioned king in Drinking Game Land, employs simple rules (shoot the ball in the cup and the other guy drinks), necessitates four players, and allows for creativity (you can re-organize the cups into any shape you like, and you can invoke any number of house rules). I’ve written before about my distaste for pong, as it treads a very close line to being antisocial and feeling like you’re simply playing with two people. Nevertheless, as the drinking game standard, beer pong benefits greatly from the network effect of almost never having to explain to anyone how to play.

Kings (often otherwise known as Circle of Death) typically requires at least four players (of mixed genders, to boot!), and has an abundance of room for creativity. The rules can be somewhat comprehensive, and unclear, though. You’re often required to take more than one “drink” at a time—it’s unclear whether that’s a “sip,” or a gulp, or a second, and it’s also easy to cheat.

My least favorite game, overall, is Fuck the Dealer, which completely obliterates Principle #4 at game’s end.

On the other hand, Flip Cup may be my favorite. Of all the games I can call to mind, Flip Cup is designed to engage the most players—well over four people—and has painfully simple rules (flip the cup! It’s in the name!). And though creativity takes a slight hit, there’s nothing like seven peers screaming and cheering at you to make you forget about the slug of beer you just slurped down.

Lightning Round: Quarters fits the bill well, but the quarters often drown out anyone else in the party. Anchorman sometimes painfully reminds you that you’re binge drinking. Beer Dice has overly complicated rules. Civil War is a pleasant modification of beer pong to involve more people. And the Power Hour has mixed #4 results.

We’ll look at my games next week.

The Claw! (Re: Immersion in Video Games)

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts 0 Comment

I thought I’d draw your attention again to a recent, yet hall-of-fame-caliber post of mine: Immersion in Video Games, and add some evidence to further prove how right I am.

Allow me to introduce: The Claw.

In short: Typically used in Halo, The Claw is a different controller grip which brings your right index finger to the face of the controller instead of on the shoulder. Like so:

With the normal grip, your thumb tends to all six face buttons and the right joystick. With the Claw grip, you can operate the face buttons with your index finger, and devote your thumb’s undivided attention to the joystick. The goal, essentially, is to save the .00006 seconds it takes to move your thumb from the joystick to the B button to throw a grenade. And, if you can get good enough at it, it’s totally worth it.

But don’t take my word for it. The Claw grip was invented and is implemented by top-level Major League Gamer David Walsh, captain of Halo Team “Final Boss.” (And yes, Major League Gaming is in fact a real thing.)

Other known uses of the Claw.

Make Food Better

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts 0 Comment

I enjoy cooking. And I like food. These things are important to me; they ensure my survival while not breaking my budget.

While I’d like to be a better cook, I don’t profess (or aspire) to be a professional chef. Further, I don’t prescribe to the recipe method of teaching. That’s like learning Spanish by listening to a voice recording of “¿Donde esta la biblioteca?” over and over again.

Until I’ve got enough time to settle down and work on mastering my craft (and boy, oh, boy do I love having a lifetime subscription to rouxbe.com for just such an occasion), here’s what I want: MakeFoodBetter.com. (Go Daddy is currently parking on the domain.)

Here’s how it works: Short, simple blog posts that can be read in two minutes or less. Each post concerns one food I already make: Steak, Chicken, Eggs, Rice, whatever. And each post follows the same format:

  1. You already make steak. Good! Red meat is high in protein, and a good way to impress a date.
  2. Next time, before your steak hits the grill, try sprinkling salt & pepper on both sides.
  3. This brings out more of the natural flavor of the steak, and makes it juicier and tastier. Don’t worry too much about the salt affecting your diet; much of it boils off during cooking.

Or even:

  1. You already make steak. Good! Red meat is high in protein, and a good way to impress a date.
  2. Next time you’re steak shopping in the supermarket, pick out the piece that has the most marbling.
  3. During the cooking process, this will make your steak much more rich in flavor. Many people confuse this for making the steak fattier. This is not correct.

That’s it. Easy steps to follow (with a little more detail; again, I’m no professional), remember, save for later. And apply across the board: Hmm, if sprinkling salt & pepper on both sides of my steak makes it cook better, perhaps I’ll try this with my chicken, too.

You won’t find any recipes here. Use whatever ones you want (Mom’s family secret is always better, anyway)—your skills will probably check out. And just like that, you’re a better chef.

“WARNING: SMOKING ALLOWED HERE”

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts, Josh for Business 2 Comments

St. Louis recently went under a city-wide smoking ban, which, naturally, comes with enough policies, guidelines, restrictions, quandaries, and political minutiae to skin a cat. I don’t know how many protocols that is. But figuring that guidelines and procedures rarely have sharp edges, one must assume it’s a lot.

Here’s one of the stipulations I find particularly enjoyable:

smoking allowed here

“WARNING: SMOKING ALLOWED HERE”

I first spotted this sign at DB’s in Soulard, and figured it to be a fairly clever tongue-in-cheek joke. “Warning,” in the event that it wasn’t clear before to smokers and non-smokers alike that smoking is dangerous. Ironic, because anyone planning on going to DB’s—a not-quite-but-almost-topless bar—should really have more immediate and visual worries than second-hand smoke. But primarily because smokers, especially, like to sneer in the face of that danger and authority. Be careful, smokers, you’ll actually have an opportunity to enjoy yourselves here!

Then I found out that these signs are mandatory. And according to one bar owner, the rules are very specific: ALL CAPS (cruise control), Arial font, plain black and white, clearly visible, etc.

Whoever’s in charge of making these policies clearly doesn’t get it. And it’s been the same guy for decades. He’s also responsible for:

As well as:

Aren’t you frightened?

Frankly, I’m (not a smoker, but theoretically) happier to light up a cigarette knowing that the man thinks it’s bad for my health, just as I was happier listening to alubms with lyrics that I suspected would make my parents’ blood boil.

And the deliciously ironic twist: signs like these have a history of effecting the opposite of the intended result. They’ve made more than one movie out of it. Every bar owner I’ve spoken to has cited better business since the stipulation-enforced ban—except for one, whose size to food served ratio requires them to ban smokers and either send them outside or to any of the four smaller bars down and across the street who pass under the smoking ban’s radar. Last I heard, they’re jostling with the area behind the bar, which can sometimes be considered walking space, and sometimes be considered storage space. If they get it just right, their ratio will go down, and they’ll be able to appeal.

So now, instead of bar/restaurants having a smoking section off to the side, the smoking section is now perched out right at the front door as I walk in. I bet concerned soccer moms couldn’t be happier. Mission accomplished?

“Banning” something from a rebel doesn’t work.

(PS – here’s how SouthPark dealt with rebels.)

 

ZOMBIES!

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts 0 Comment

AMC’s The Walking Dead is like one, long, expansive, immensely enjoyable zombie movie (Season 1’s total runtime hovers around 4.5 hours over 6 episodes).

Frankly, there’s a lot not to like. Many episode plots are unsurprisingly predictable, and feel like they’ve been done before. I’ve seen everything from Resident Evil’s waking up alone in the hospital in the middle of a fallen stronghold city to I Am Legend’s last scientist alive…and I’m sure even those motifs had been done multiple times before…AND we’re only six episodes deep. That said: it’s really well done. And again, at the very least, it’s one, long, expansive, immensely enjoyable zombie movie. If you’re into that sort of thing.

While I’m in the zombie mindset, here’s a couple of original zombie ideas (at least, as far as I know):

1. A zombie comedy movie (Zombedy?). As per standard procedure, zombie outbreak befalls, and hungry zombies spread their wares via bite. However, in this instance the inverse also holds true: protagonists can save their friends by biting zombies first. Maybe they discover that the cure is actually in human saliva and equip themselves with Super Soakers, or maybe it’s inexplicably simply the act of being perforated by teeth, and the protagonists go digging through cemeteries of healthy, dead people to collect jawbones for ammunition. Invariably, the love interest of a secondary protagonist will turn into a zombie, the two will bite each other at the same time and alternatively transform from zombie to human and back into recursion. Take plenty of comedy cues from Zombieland, or hell: use this as the plot for a sequel.

2. A zombie reality TV show. Seriously. Doesn’t the zombie trope have the perfect makings of reality TV? Your goal as a contestant is to survive the longest (“Survivor?” Hah!), and you’ll have to work in teams to accomplish tasks that are actually relevant: collect food, cross a zombie-infested city block to gather more supplies, zombie-proof your shelter, etc. Contestants can be eliminated mid-episode if they’re not fast enough. Better yet, eliminated contestants can return as zombies in later episodes. Or maybe, even better yet, the show’s premise pits a team of zombies against a team of survivors.

Me, excited about a reality TV show? Once, about as realistic a prospect as the prospect of enjoying movies in 3D.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts 0 Comment

I often went fishing up in Maine during the summer. Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish and said: “Wouldn’t you like to have that?”

How to Win Friends and Influence People is the product of one of my favorite college classes, Introduction to Physics 118. A favorite because I did little more than sit in the back of the lecture and read books. Ninety minutes, twice a week, in the midst of an impossibly busy academic and personal schedule, with nothing to do but read? What an escape!

Sure, title of Dale Carnegie’s book is a bit unnerving. It sounds like a book for insecure antisocialites or perverse masterminds. Though I don’t see why either group wouldn’t appreciate the book, anyway.

I profoundly enjoy the book for its simple yet brilliant insight, captured best, I think, by the quote above. Talk to people, in terms they understand, about their interests. Get what you want. No duh?

Consequently, I highly recommend the book. Seems to taper off and start repeating itself a little towards the end, but overall, it’s easy to read and you’ll feel like a smarter, better person when you’re done.  I’ve got a copy full of highlights of my favorite passages that sits by my bed in New York.  I’ve considered compiling all of highlights into a blog post, but I’d hate to dissuade you from picking up and reading a copy yourself.

Eating the Dinosaur

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts, Josh plays Sports 0 Comment

Chuck Klosterman’s Eating the Dinosaur has taught me some interesting things about football.

On Texas Tech coach Mike Leach:

The Red Raiders play football the way eleven-year-old boys play Xbox: They throw on almost every down, they only punt when the situation is desparate, and they’ll call the same play over and over and over again.

…What’s the secret to his brilliance? [According to Leach,] “There’s two ways to make it more complex for the defense…One is to have a whole bunch of different plays, but that’s no good because the offense experiences as much complexity as the defense. Another is a small number of plays run out of lots of different formations. That way, you don’t have to teach a guy a new thing to do.  You just have to teach him a new place to stand.”

On coach Bill Walsh:

Bill Walsh, the architect of the San Francisco 49ers dynasty…built the West Coast offense on an interesting combination of mathematics and psychology: He realized that any time a team rushed for four yards on the ground, the play was viewed as a success. However, any time a team completed a pass that gained four yards, the defense assumed they had made a successful stop. Walsh understood that the two situations were identical. By viewing the passing game as a variant of the running game, he changed everything about how football is played.

I really enjoyed reading about the evolution of football both as a game and as an organization. I love how individual games can be overwhelmingly affected—if not controlled—by a visionary coach (in baseball, seems as though the most any manager is responsible for is calling for steals and sacrifice bunts). I love that the meta game follows its visionaries and evolves over time, resulting in a game today that utilizes the read option (wildcat!) on offense and zone blitz on defense from a game that originally didn’t even have a forward pass. I loved learning that the West Coast offense has a sound psychological foundation (my old take on it: “That’s stupid. How can that work?4 yard passes aren’t effective.”) And I look forward to the day when the NFL adopts the strategy of largely abandoning the punt.

///

Most of the rest of the book is decidedly not about sports (topics range from laughing Germans to Garth Brooks). It’s weird, and random, and I’m not totally sure any of it is connected or even makes sense.  I’d recommend borrowing it from the library. Or reading the football chapter while sitting in the lobby of a Barnes & Noble.

More Movies

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts 1 Comment
About a year ago, I graduated college.  I went home, considered the utter lack of other important things to do in Huntington, New York, and made the decision to make an exerted effort to catch up on the ridiculous number of important (or, uh, relevant) movies that I hadn’t seen.  Now, 380-something days later, I present the fruits of Netflix’s labor and the laundry list of movies I’ve now seen for the first time.  With, of course, a few of my own notes sprinkled here and there.
  • Edward Scissorhands
  • The Natural
  • Swingers – Terrific.  This could be me were the movie, say, 15 years newer.
  • Dr. Strangelove – I mean, the guy’s name is Peter Sellers.  I should totally be a buff.  Ah, well.
  • Bull Durham
  • Hoosiers – Overrated?  Maybe.  The whole thing felt overdone, but then again, this was among the first classic sports movies, and I’d already seen all these tricks played out a hundred times before.  Probably just a case of me getting to it in the wrong order, sort of like how I don’t enjoy playing Mario 64.
  • Hancock – I heard this was really, really bad, and it managed to exceed expectations.  That was impressive.
  • Se7en
  • Being John Malkovich
  • Rudy – Also terrific.  Running theme for young Vince Vaughn movies?  Maybe.
  • Young Frankenstein
  • 12 Monkeys
  • Seven Pounds
  • Earth Girls are Easy
  • The Wrestler
  • Kill Bill Vol. 1
  • Snatch
  • Groundhog Day – Now that I’ve seen it, shows up on TV all the time.  Not that I’m complaining.
  • Big Fish and What Dreams May Come – I’ve seen a few times before, but I showed it to Alyssa for the first time.  I don’t know that either movie is really that technically proficient, but I really like both of them.
  • Life of Brian
  • The Warriors – Awesome.  This would have been great to watch with Eric and Brian.
  • Almost Famous
  • A Boy and his Dog – Just go read the description on Netflix.  It’s not good, but once you’ve read that far, you’re kind of obligated to see it out.
  • The Butterfly Effect – I like the concept, was told this was really bad, went in with low expectations, and was pleasantly surprised.
  • Godfather II
  • Godfather III – what a disaster.  I hate that they’re going to do the same thing to Wall Street with Wall Street 2.
  • Raging Bull
  • The Departed
  • Dazed and Confused
  • The Usual Suspects – For all the Bill Simmons I read, I’m shocked that this one wasn’t somehow spoiled for me.
  • Army of Darkness
  • The Iron Giant
  • Motorcycle Diaries – Full Disclosure: I’ve technically seen this before in high school Spanish class…but then again, by senior year, I got into the habit of sleeping through a lot of that.
  • The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
  • Rain Man
  • Into the Wild – If you take anything from this list, make it this one.  Go see it.
  • Schindler’s List
  • Citizen Kane
  • American History X
  • Synechdoche, NY
  • Inglourious Basterds – has everything.  Great.
  • Spirited Away – I don’t remember how I found this.  Some website recommended it maybe.  Fair warning, it’s animated (Japan style, not Disney style).
  • Gangs of New York
  • Scarface
  • Primer
  • Where the Wild Things Are
  • V for Vendetta
  • Benjamin Button – Tried to be Forrest Gump, and failed pretty bad.
  • There’s Something About Mary
  • Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
  • The Scout
  • Youth in Revolt
  • Revenge of the Nerds
  • Cube 2: Hypercube
  • MallRats

Phew.  55 movies.  I feel a lot more cultured.  What’d you do, watch the entire series of Lost?

Anything else come to mind that I’m probably-to-definitely missing out on?

TED Talks

By JoshPetersel in Josh and the Arts, Josh surfs the Internet 0 Comment

Thoroughly enjoyed this new TED Talks video with speaker Blaise Aguera y Arcas.  Those familiar with the site probably remember Blaise for his presentation of Photosynth from a few years back.

And those familiar with the Wachowski brothers probably remember their prophecy video series “The Matrix” from a few years before that.  Seems like we’re getting there.  Better make time today to go out and befriend some robots.