Author: Sterny
Bio: Architect, actually a decent hockey player when he isn’t whining about the ref

1. Eliminate Pitch Counting. Who doesn’t love seeing a pitcher blow out his arm getting that last batter?!
2. No More Cheerleaders. Hear me out. Let’s get rid of cheerleaders in sports where they don’t belong. Case in point: There’s nothing lonelier than a single cheerleader standing in the aisle of an entire section at a hockey game. They just look lost. And it;s always awkward when people try to walk around them and appear to “not actually stare.”
3. More Shannon Sharpe. The guy’s an idiot. It’s like a never-ending SNL skit. I’d pay for a channel exclusively dedicated to Shannon Sharpe talking.
4. Same as above, just replace Shannon Sharpe with Charles Barkley.
5. A new sound system for the Nassau Coliseum. Okay – this one may be a little bit specific and personal, but it’s really, really bad. Like, worse than the actual team that plays in the building.
6. More sea-creatures. The Red Wings have the Octopus. For no apparent reason, the Canucks now have the Salmon. (Ironically, the San Jose Sharks and Florida Marlins have yet to catch on to this tradition).
7. More on-field microphones. I love the chirping that goes on between players during the game. Definitely adds a dimension of being part of the game.
8. Pierre McGuire must go. No 5’-5” bald white guy should be the barrier between two benches in a tight hockey game on NBC.
9. Eliminate Philadelphia sports and transport all Philadelphia sports fans to ::insert random desolate town here::. Ok, I know this sounds biased, but hear me out…Actually, I think all of you who are not from Philly probably don’t need me to defend this.
10. Barry Melrose and Don Cherry need to give the play by play for the PGA Tour. Nothing would add life to a good ol’ round of golf like a greasy mullet and a wardrobe that’s louder than the crappy sound system at the Nassau Coliseum.
11. Put all convicted felons who are currently playing in the NBA into jail. Think of the quality of play that the remaining Serbian-Jewish white guys would produce!
12. I have full respect for the world of Poker and the skill that it takes to be good. But please get poker off of my television. Unless there’s a waitress in a skimpy dress offering to get me drinks, I do not see the logic behind watching poker.
13. Make the Olympics more frequent. Nothing makes irrelevant and obscure sports as exciting as the effects of Nationalism. I mean, at what other point does it become acceptable to go to a bar to watch curling? Similarly, when else can grown men sit around watching 16 year old girls do gymnastics, and NOT get in trouble?
14. Better thought-out flyovers. Why did my tax dollars pay for a flyover at the Superbowl, when the Dallas Cowboy Stadium is INDOORS AND COVERED? C’MON!!!
15. Football broadcasts need to have a camera dedicated to covering morbidly obese linemen trying to roll over and get up after a tackle. This should be an HD camera to ensure full resolution of the belly rolls that fall out of jerseys.
16. What the hell are the rules to Cricket? I don’t know how to make it better, without knowing why it’s good (or bad). Although, the prospect of a game lasting for a few days has some nice tailgating ramifications.
17. A moment of sincerity: Steroids – MLB needs to take ‘responsibility’ for the entire steroid era as a means of ending the conversation. Anyone who is suspected or found guilty that has been significant to the sport should get into the Hall of Fame…But put them in a room and name it “the Era of Steroids.” Cheating or not, this era was full of important events and people to the sport. Its not absolving them of their sins. But the best way to move forward is to make a wholesale decision. MLB needs to make a sweeping gesture and go forward from there.
18. An E-True Hollywood Story of K-Rod’s demise from THE closer to the guy that beat his girlfriend’s father, and tore a tendon in his thumb while doing so…And somehow he is STILL on the Mets.
19. At least twice during hockey games, player wives who are in attendance must be shown. Hockey players always manage to undeservingly get the hottest girls, even without having teeth. See: Alexei Yashin and former super model wife Carol Alt. More recently, Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood (I love you Carrie).
20. No matter how bleak it is, there is no way that moving a hockey team from Long Island to Kansas City is a good idea.