I’m a huge Pittsburgh Steelers fan. There’s a great reason why: Rod Woodson.

Once upon a time, I was little. And owned a Super Nintendo, and with that a game called Tecmo Super Bowl. Though predecessor Tecmo Bowl’s Bo Jackson gets most of the internet fame, Pittsburgh Steeler Rod Woodson possessed similar ability in the Super Nintendo counterpart. He was fast, and great at returning kickoffs. So I always played as the Steelers.  As such, when the time came around for me to start following real professional football, who was I going to root for? The Jets?

Some thoughts from my recent brush with Steeler Nation and Heinz Field.

The bad:

• How are there modern scoreboards that aren’t equipped with an unending waterfall of statistics? At Heinz, it’s difficult to tell what down it is. Downright impossible to check on scores from around the league. Forget about listing individual stats for fantasy purposes. I shouldn’t have to check my smartphone for that junk.
• Mom puts it eloquently, “You know what’s hard about this? They don’t have the  yellow lines on the field.” Which I thought was cute. Relatedly: I will never, ever understand the logic of the chain system referees to check for ball placement and close first downs. Aren’t first downs just arbitrarily determined by wherever the guy in back drops his length of the chain first, leaving enough room or not enough slack for the ball to reach the first down marker? Can coaches challenge this?
• Nobody walked around selling concessions the entire game. I don’t know if this was such a bad thing—I’m not big into stadium snacks after my obligatory hotdog and diet coke before sitting down.  Just thought it was interesting.

The good:

• Downtown Pittsburgh is crazy on gameday.  Everyone—EVERYONE—is wearing a Steelers jersey. I’m told this phenomenon actually typically starts on Fridays, even though games are on Sunday. Are the Steelers more popular than The Beatles?
• Good-er: Maybe 95% of the Pittsburghians fans wear a black (home) jersey.  Even the Steelers’ 3rd Jersey is black & gold in color.  Everyone wears black and gold.  The result is overwhelming—for opposing teams, and for any poor fans who aren’t part of the tribe yet. It’s as if you’ve got to buy a jersey as a prerequisite for buying a ticket.  On the other hand, the Mets seem to have twelve different jersey colors—I’ve at least seen orange, bright blue, black, grey, white, and pinstripe—and I feel like the Islanders come out with another set of jerseys every second year.  As a result, I’m just as comfortable showing up to an Islanders game wearing only an Isles hat to show team pride.  But I wouldn’t dare come within ten miles of Heinz Field without my Steeler threads.
• The Steelers managed to go an entire game without some stupid giveaway, freebie, anything.  No bouncy girls frolicking around.  No Pepsi Party Patrol shooting t-shirts into the stands with a laser-guided cannon or a tommy gun.  No Play-MatchGame-and-Win-a-$20-HomeDepot-Giftcard TV timeout games. No kiss cam. Just football.  And when we needed a distraction during halftime, Pop Warner football.  The message: If football isn’t enough to keep you entertained during a football game, go home.  I was proud.

Ultimatley, what I’d do if I owned a sports team:

1. Own a color (scheme).  You’re not caught dead in downtown Pittsburgh without wearing black & gold. Or anywhere around Indiana University without wearing crimson on gameday. Different variations are okay, but they can’t throw off the whole theme. Everyone wearing black and gold was a part of Steeler Nation—something greater than a stadium crowd on Sunday.
2. For that matter, avoid orange.  The Islanders, Mets, Knicks, Bengals, Browns, Broncos, Bears, Orioles, Tigers, Bobcats, Oilers. The San Francisco Giants, and maybe the Philadelphia Flyers, are the only decent clubs of the bunch. I’d rather try my luck with picking up a color all to myself.  You can spot Yankees Blue, Packers Green, or Vikings Purple from a mile away.
3. Embrace the Fantasy Sports generation.  Give the fan every stat, all the time.  Give him no reason to check my phone for updates after an incomplete pass. Could you somehow reward him for drafting players on the local club? Hell, let him do his draft at the stadium! (Related: <a title=”The Post in Maplewood, St. Louis does all of this.  They kill it.)

I can’t wait to go back.