Maybe it’s because I’m gen-Y, internet-savvy, all-about-about-the-emails.  I just can’t figure out why receiving snail mail is so difficult.

From my understanding of the situation:  I’m set to receive a package.  The delivery man shows up at my door, notices that I’m not sitting out my my front porch waiting specifically for his arrival (I imagine I’d be playing with one of those paddle-ball things that I’ve never been able to figure out, either), and then turns around and leaves, hoping tomorrow will bring greener pastures.  I’m not even sure if he rings the doorbell.

Even more befuddling is the fact that I live with seven other guys (and three girls, too, technically), all of whom are of-age and should be able to sign for a package in  my leave.  And on multiple occasions, they’ve been denied the privilege.

So I’ll call UPS or Fed Ex and explain the situation.  I’ll ask, “Can you give me an approximate time when the package will come?”  Hmmm…that’s going to be a problem. “Can you have the package delivered just any time before 10:30?” I’ll try, but the problem is I have to call the delivery center, and they have to call the delivery man, and he might already have his route figured out, he might be on his way, or he might be busy porking some single, desparate housewives and we won’t be able to get in touch with him.  But thanks for choosing Fed Ex! Is there anything else I’d be unable to help you with today?

Then there’s the tracking number, which lets me look up my package’s progress online from warehouse to the nearest distribution center, then to delivery truck, then to nearest distribution center again, then to delivery truck, and then to nearest distribution center again.  It’d be great if I was worried about my box of trinkets getting intercepted by armored bandits on a train out in the Midwest, but I’m pretty sure that that only happens in the 1800’s or in space-future.

How do normal people, working full-time plus overtime much like myself, living alone, ever receive a package??

Here’s how Pointers, the local delicious pizza place, solves the problem.  When I place my order, they give me an approximate time of when the pie will arrive.  The delivery guy doesn’t even need to ring the doorbell when he shows up – he calls my cell phone and says “Pizza’s here!”  I drop everything, get to the door, easy exchange.

There’s no neuroscience here.  My cell phone is attached to my hip.  CALL ME!

If his route is already figured out, why can’t he call me at the beginning of the day and say “Hey, I just planned my route for the day, it looks like I’m going to be at your place at around 11:30 am.  Is that okay?”  And then, why doesn’t he call me again as he leaves the house prior to mine to confirm?

Let’s get real science-y.  Why not give me the delivery guy’s direct cell number?  What if they equipped their trucks with GPS systems (I’m sure they already do), and let me track the truck’s progress or proximity in real-time?

Nobody wins when I have to fight through layers of bureaucracy to maybe get the time of my delivery changed, or when the delivery guy shows up and can’t deliver my package.  He’s got to come again tomorrow, the company would lose my business if there was any reasonably sane alternative, and I have to get annoyed and write blog posts instead of being productive and reading my GMAT prep book.