Fountain Sodas

By JoshPetersel in Josh plays Sports 0 Comment

A thought occurred to me. Which is a rarer occasion these days.

You’ve been to baseball games, movie theaters, and fast food restaurants before, I think. If you’ve been, then chances are you’ve purchased a soda. Also if you’ve been, then I think you’ll be familiar with THAT guy, the one who thinks he’s beating the system by getting his jumbotron 97oz. souvenir cup soda without ice. Maybe that guy is even you!

Unsurprisingly, that person is a fool. All a fountain soda is composed of is sugar and water. All ice is composed of is water and cold. So by taking ice out of the picture, you lose cold. And you’re more cracked out on sugar, and your teeth rot just a little bit faster.

God invented ice for a reason.

Grills Gone Wild: One Song to Rule Them All

By JoshPetersel in Eleven - Grills Gone Wild, Josh does Music 0 Comment

[Note:  This article appeared in Eleven issue 2.1, released circa September 2007]

So you’ve theoretically got your band “Ultimate Electric Dungaroos” or “Dilated Pupils of Theocratic Stablemen” or whatever. And you all look real badass with your too-cool-for-school pants. That should be enough to at least get you a review in some half-wit university-subsidized student-run mostly-full-of-themselves music magazine. But how do you go about achieving the fabled 11 out of 11 score? With a song.

 

Songs are pretty important. They’re on the radio and on the internet. I’d put them in the top 5 most important parts of music. Where would music be today without songs? Probably on the radio and the internet, but I mean, still.

 

Let’s recap. We learned last year about three of the other important parts of music: your attitude (hipster), your look (hair), and your identity (band name). One of these days I’ll figure out what that 5th element is. Not that stupid Bruce Willis movie though.

 

…I guess all you freshman out there don’t really know the deal. You can all blame yourselves for not kicking and falcon punching your ways out of your parents wombs a year earlier. Now, on with the awesomeness.

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