Daft Punk

An email sent to Nish, regarding the latest Daft Punk album.

Josh Petersel <peterselj@gmail.com> Wed, May 15, 2013 at 6:54 PM
Reply-To: peterselj@gmail.com
To: Nishant Lalwani <[redacted]@gmail.com>

I have more thoughts than I could properly articulate via cell phone email. But here’s the core:
1) victim of impossible hype.
2) the album doesn’t even have to be great. All DP (and perhaps just as importantly, the infinity of beat makers
and DJs) really needed was a base of fresh material to mix in to other work. As underwhelmed as the album
proper was, just wait until you hear transcendent mashups across other work. I think from that perspective, a
modest modern success.
That all said….god how i wish they would’ve been able to recapture the magic of Digital Love.

A week later: Daft Punk — themselves — plan to remix Random Access Memories.

I hate it when my cell phone’s autocorrect makes it look like I can’t grammar. But I love it when I’m right.

Lollapalooza Brazil

The coverage Fritz and I created for Lollapalooza Brazil went up this weekend, courtesy of The Inertia.

http://www.theinertia.com/music-art/11-radical-observations-from-lollapalooza-brazil/

Copy/pasta’d below.  (In case you weren’t paying close attention, of course we work in increments of eleven.)

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Lollapalooza has gone global. For the past few years, we thought of the festival as an epic long weekend in Chicago. But as of 2012, Lollapalooza founder and Janes’ Addiction weirdo Perry Farrell has ported his vision to South America (Brazil and Chile, to be exact). From March 29-31st, the festival returned to the infield of the Jockey Club of Sao Paulo with headliners The Killers, The Black Keys, Pearl Jam, and a host of other great bands and DJs. Can Lollapalooza thrive in the Southern Hemisphere? We had to find out. Here, we bring you our Top 11 most interesting vignettes from the weekend:

11. [Roaming keg man.]

Fatal last words: “I’ll be right back.” For a simple snack or drink from the concession stand, you usually have to fight your way through gyrating hordes of crowds to reach your destination and find the way back. Without any clear sense of reference points (we found that even “right side of the stage” gets muddled when you wonder whether the intent was from the audience’s or the band’s perspective), a quick detour can lead to hours languished in trying to reconnect with lost members of your party. Hiring a mobile team of concessions vendors just made an impossible amount of sense. All hail the festival planners who thought of this, and all hail the roaming keg men whose glorious oversized Camelbaks supplied endless adult sodas (read: Heineken) for the thirsty masses.

10. [The post-festival Sao Paulo club scene.]

As we all poured out from the Jockey Club festival grounds at 11pm each night, the never-ending nightlife of Sao Paulo was waiting there, ready to take us in. Unlike in the city hosting your favorite American music festival, clubs and bars just don’t close here. On Saturday night, Diplo crushed his set at the Clash Club, dropping a 4:30am “Harlem Shake” which almost (harlem-)shook the walls of the venue to the ground. Our Friday night escapade to Funhouse found us boxing out locals from the jukebox so we could put Toto’s “Africa” on repeat in the queue as the sun slowly rose overhead (we thought it was funny – no other real reason!). Thank goodness for Red Bull!

9. [Evil Wayne Coyne.]

The Flaming Lips’ new live set is horrifying, but probably not the sort of horrifying that the band might hope to leverage in promoting its latest album, The Terror. Void of all of the color, confetti, costumes, and general fanfare of the band’s fabled shows of yore, frontman Wayne Coyne was left immobile on a pedestal, nurturing and kissing a wiry-haired toy baby. He describes, on multiple occasions, a wish for a plane descending towards a nearby airport to crash, cause a large fire, and invariably kill or injure hundreds of people. The confusion and tension in the crowd was palpable. A jarring and puzzling experience, at best.

8. [Brazilian bands standing their ground.]

Even though most of the prime festival timeslots were given to foreign bands, homegrown Brazilian talent refused to be sidelined. Playing with the fervor and charisma of late-night headliners, groups like Tokyo Savannah, Vivendo Do Ocio, and Wannabe Jalva showed us that Brazilian rockers can hold their own. Our personal favorite was dance-punkers Copacabana Club, who laid down bass grooves like they were LCD Soundsystem at a favela party.

7. [The Hives’ unlikely performance.]

Remember The Hives? They sang “Hate To Say I Told You So,” which was all over the airwaves just over a decade ago. Apparently, they have still been producing albums since then, and they captured an evening spot on the final day of the festival. But as the North American public eye has shifted from these Swedish garage rockers, fans in Brazil have fallen in love with them. And after their set, we rekindled our admiration too. The Hives managed to rock the entire distance from the main Cicade Jardim stage to the crew setting up Hot Chip’s synthesizers on the Alternativo Stage. Howlin’ Pelle Almqvist, the band’s spastic frontman, lived up to his moniker, leading the band with an eccentric, punk rock energy.

6. [Pearl Jam’s Sunday night headlining set.]

“Oi, São Paulo,” bellowed Eddie Vedder as he entered under the lights of the festival’s main stage. In just three words—the band hadn’t even started its Sunday night headlining set—it was already apparent that we would be in for something truly special. The band spiced up favorites “Even Flow” and “Alive” with improvisational interludes and extended solos, while also surprising the crowd with tremendous covers of The Ramones’ “I Believe in Miracles” and The Who’s “Baba O’Riley.”

If that wasn’t enough, Vedder—in crisp Portuguese—paused partway through the show to congratulate São Paulo for respecting and supporting gay marriage. The effort to speak in the country’s native language was met with fervent cheer, swoon, and admiration from the crowd, which lit up at the opportunity to welcome Vedder as one of their own. – written by Roberta, our Brazilian correspondent.

5. [American bands showing their hometown pride.]

Norman, Oklahoma. Akron, Ohio. Athens, Alabama. Queensbridge. North Carolina. The list goes on, but the audience response never rose above a murmer. Most people didn’t know where these places were, and why would they? Except for us – and we cheered obnoxiously loud and proudly American.

4. [Muddy festival grounds.]

Rain is about the last thing you want on the first day of a jam-packed music festival, turning the infield of the Jockey Club into a festival mud pit. At sunset, perhaps, when it’s no longer bright enough to discern between wet and dry paths forward, we all gave up any hope of salvaging the cleanliness of our footwear and gave in. Leading the charge was Passion Pit’s high-energy 8:00PM set. With the beckon of choruses from “Carried Away,” “Take a Walk,” and set closer “Little Secrets,” any lingering inhibitions among the crowd were joyously cast aside as we tore into the Alternativo Stage’s muddy dance scene.

3. [Brazilians loving blues rock.]

One would think that Brazilian rhythmic taste edges towards samba and bossa nova instead of the howling guitar and bluesy vocals of the Mississippi Delta. For the crowd at Lollapalooza, this couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Good ‘ol American rock ‘n’ roll reigned supreme, with the likes of the Black Keys, Alabama Shakes, and Gary Clark Jr. bringing a soulful edge to a musically diverse line-up. The energy in the Shakes’ “Heavy Chevy” and the Keys’ “Lonely Boy” had us reeling and rocking as if we were all transported to a 50’s Memphis blues joint. The language of rock is universal, and nothing goes down better than a classic sound.

2. [Hot Chip’s Official Aftershow.]

“Let Me Be Him” is the 10th track on Hot Chip’s latest album, In Our Heads, and the 13th most popular track based on the artist’s Last.fm profile. It’s not the song anyone would expect to close a set after an encore—intuition might more generally suggest a band closing on a high note with its most popular track (in Hot Chip’s case, “Over and Over”). Intuition might also suggest that an aftershow in a forgotten cinema—once popular among Japanese filmmakers—wouldn’t house the best performance of the entire weekend. But through their last song, armed with Cine Joia’s intimate setting, crisp and bulbous sound, and a high stage with clear sight lines, Hot Chip rocked the hips and melted the hearts of anyone within earshot. Sometimes intuition gets turned on its head.

1. [The people.]

There’s something special in the water in Sao Paulo. Not in the bad way where a guidebook might urge you to only drink from bottles and to carry pills to help stave off an upset stomach. Instead, there’s something in the water that makes it perfectly acceptable and miraculously sustainable to stay up and party until 6:30 AM every night of the weekend or rock out in the crowd until you’re hoarse and can’t stand anymore. There’s something in the water that makes it sane to accept nearly complete strangers into your home as guests and dear friends, to offer a guided tour of the city or an invite to a secret VIP party at the fanciest hotel in town, to give a lift to a beach house three hours away—the list of offers of love and generosity goes on, and on, and on. Perhaps it’s got nothing to do with the water. Perhaps there’s just something special in the people.

Thank you to Samuel, Mark, Eduardo, Thiago, Bea, Richelle, Isabella, Augusto, Roberta, Kevin, Nelly, Felipe, and everyone else who made this a trip, a festival, a city, and a country to remember.

Meet the other half, Josh Petersel.

Editor’s Note: Jonathan Fritz co-wrote and co-photographed this piece with friend Josh Petersel. Josh is a full-time MBA student, part-time rock music enthusiast, and no-time world record holder in the mustache speed-shaving division. His current life goals include shooting a flamethrower, getting a million views on YouTube, building a treehouse, and owning a waterbed—though not necessarily in that order.

The Karaoke Playlist

I’m not a huge karaoke guy. But when we go, things get serious.

I think there’s some kind of formula for being successful at karaoke. You need to strike the right balance of the following elements, in rough order of importance:

  • Pretty much everyone knows the song. (If it’s current, eh. If it’s nostalgic, a bonus.)
  • …But, not everybody does the song. (You picked Journey? You’re pathetic.)
  • You can actually sing the song. (Which I guess, unless you really know exactly what you’re doing, rules out the heavy majority of rap and stuff with fast lyrics.)
  • It’s upbeat, uplifting to sing.
  • It’s funny to sing.
  • Seriously, don’t pick Journey; your lack of creativity is embarrassing.

For me, this more or less boils down to “90’s pop/R&B tracks with female lead vocalists.”

Here’s a Spotify playlist:

[spotify id=”spotify:user:peterselj:playlist:6hGJYUzgYXbu37JOhEivLj” width=”300″ height=”380″ /]

Re: Spotify

I wrote last month about making Spotify better. One of the core suggestions I’d laid out was the opportunity for Spotify to integrate better with automobiles and take over the car radio.

As of March 6th, nearly a month after I published my thoughts, Spotify announced that it will be available in Volvo cars through a special, customized interface. Which, naturally, requires the vehicle owner to have a Spotify Premium account.

Being right is awesome.

Make Spotify Better

I guess alternatively stylized as Sp°tify

Per the Media Summit I checked out at the end of last semester, Spotify is the music listening service that’s going to save the industry and save the world. I definitely dig what they’re doing. Here’s how it could be even better:

Difficulty Level: Easy

I was a Spotify Free user for a while, then clicked an ad that said “Try 30 free days of Spotify Premium.” That was cool for a few months, but then recently I made the switch back to Spotify Free.

I don’t mind that all the ads came back. I do mind that a lot of the ads say “Try 30 free days of Spotify Premium,” only when I click them, I’m taken to a page that explains “Sorry, you’ve already used up your free 30 day trial.”

Why serve broken ads like this to users? Clearly there’s data on me somewhere that says “already used his premium trial.” It’ll also be tough to induce me to another run at Premium via a second 30-day trial (a tactic that Netflix seemed to employ heavily for its ex-users).

Difficulty Level: Medium

Tabbed browsing.

Really, with the ability to look up artists, switch between discographies and bios, flip between apps, and more, the Spotify desktop app is as much an Internet browser as it is a music media browser. If I’m in the middle of reading up on The Flaming Lips’ biography, and want to change tracks, why should I need to hit the back button a half dozen times to get back to what I was doing? Even the much-maligned Internet Explorer 6 has peripherals that allow for tabbed browsing. And according to Wikipedia, that was released in 2001.

Difficulty Level: Medium

Literally the only reason why I ever open iTunes anymore is to download Podcasts. Because for some dopey reason, as far as I can tell, that’s the only way to download anything from the ESPN audio library (you can stream it from their website otherwise).

This seems like it’d be an easy thing to add, but I get why introducing Podcasts has some kinks. I think there are some premium podcasts which you have to pay for, which wouldn’t really jive with the current Spotify setup. Perhaps more importantly, the podcast might last 30-60 minutes without affording an opportunity for commercial interruption…so maybe it’s something exclusively available to Spotify Premium users? Is it better to pretend that Podcasts don’t exist, or drive customers to get their fix from 3rd parties? Wouldn’t you rather have your users camped on your application for as long as possible?

Difficulty Level: Medium

Spotify touts that it’s a tremendously powerful engine for music discovery. True, no question. But given that this is a focus, it seems a bit strange that you can’t really search for a music genre through Spotify’s search bar. A query of “hip hop” results in a few tracks (“Hip-Hop Saved My Life” by Lupe Fiasco, “Hip Hop Hooray” by Naughty by Nature, etc.), then a few user-created playlists, then a few artists (in this case, I guess, “Hip Hop Beats” and “Top 40 Hip Hop Hits” are listed as artists) and finally a few albums (Classic Hip-Hop, R&B: From Doo-Wop to Hip-Hop, etc.)

I suppose you can kind of do the music genre discovery thing by proxy of an app. The Soundrop app, for example, has a bunch of user-curated radio stations based around different themes like Electronica, Dub Step, Hip Hop, Indie Rock. My guess is that a Spotify Genre result page would look somewhat similar to whatever the top ranking user-created playlist is—a bunch of songs by various artists in the genre, just default sorted by popularity instead of by one individual’s whim. Is there some chance that Spotify doesn’t have genre information coded in? That’d make this harder. But generally, I just don’t see why Spotify should have to or want to depend other parties for this functionality. (H/t Casey.)

Difficulty Level: Hard

An extra $10 a month out of pocket, standing on its own, feels like kind of a big deal.

But bundled in and obscured under some other significantly larger recurring payment?

One of the biggest value-adds of Spotify Premium is that it enables the full-featured mobile application. What if the $10 to Spotify Premium was just baked in to the $100-whatever you’re already paying to AT&T for your phone+data plan? Only 10% more to have access to every song in the Spotify library? Not as daunting.

In addition, you’ve got the fact that cell phones generally lock users in to 2-year contracts, and have notoriously abysmal customer service. Once AT&T is Spotify’s operator, I’d imagine user attrition rates depreciating precipitously.

*UPDATE* I just saw an ad suggesting that I can route the balance of my Spotify Premium subscription to my Sprint bill. Which is neat, and it’s close to what I’m envisioning, but not quite. I was thinking more along the lines of opting for a type of Spotify account the same way you’d opt for a bigger or smaller data plan, or number of anytime minutes, or whatever the options are these days. This would give Spotify more of a consumer-facing presence on the carrier’s store- and web-front, as well as (hopefully) serve to really lock users in long-term.

Difficulty Level: Extreme

Same idea, bigger game.

Spotify could obliterate the car radio. Like SiriusXM, but way better.

Ideally, you’ve got a unit that replaces the radio, has a steady 3G/LTE/whatever connection, and lets you play whatever you want, whenever you want. If that’s too much into the futuristic/unfeasible end of the spectrum, then maybe just a hard drive that can download all the songs you ever want while the car is in the garage and connected to your WiFi at home.

Paying an extra $10 on the $X00 a month for the car, and utterly perfecting the radio? Knockout.

Difficulty Level: Extreme

On a preliminary level, it seems like there’s a pretty strict upward limit to the amount of revenue Spotify can generate on a per user basis: $9.99/mo. No matter how much music I consume, that’s the price of the Premium account.

How might Spotify upsell (price segregate?) its most avid fans?

Perhaps there might be some premium apps in the app store which users pay extra for. For reference, Apple generally takes a 30% cut of all sales made through the iTunes store.

Perhaps there are other goods that Spotify can sell. A custom poster based on my listening history over the past 12 months? Could Spotify traffic users to buy concert tickets and take a small cut of those sales?

Perhaps there are bigger subscription bundles Spotify might be able to offer. Competitor Rdio, for example, has family plans available—you can buy two accounts for $17.99/mo, or three for $22.99/mo. Perhaps this also addresses some market of people who share a single Spotify Premium account. I don’t know many friends who do this with Spotify, but then again, it feels like everyone I know does this with Netflix accounts (sorry I watched House of Cards using your account last week, Kevin).

I consider all of these options extreme, by the way, since they generally fundamentally alter the way users interact with the platform, rather than just offering marginal improvement like the easy and mediums.

Spotify Mobile Playlists

I guess alternatively stylized as Sp°tify

My original understanding of Spotify’s value proposition is that it’s great because of its unique freemium consumer pricing model. You can get all the bells & whistles for $10/mo, or some of the bells & whistles for $5/mo, or some of the bells & whistles plus banner and audio ads for $0/mo. This free option and freemium model is particularly enticing—companies like Napster and Rhapsody have been doing paid streaming services since at least 2005 when I was a sales floor rep at Best Buy, but you don’t see those guys making headlines. Spotify, on the other hand, has amassed something like 15 million users (4 paid, 11 ad-supported), and were recently valued around $3 billion.

And that all said: I don’t think the freemium desktop model is where the lion’s share of Spotify’s value lies.

First, for context: I’m a Spotify Free user. I put up with the ads. Repeat: I put up with them. I’m surprised at how irrelevant the ads are to me, considering how closely intertwined Spotify is with Facebook and how much they should know about my interests.

To be fair, Spotify needs to sell ads first before they can be relevant. Feels to me like 75% of the ads I listen to are just self-bumps from Spotify. These all essentially say “Hey! These ads are annoying! If you give us $10/month, then we won’t subject you to this very ad that you’re listening to!” (Which, reading between the lines, I think essentially says “We needed to fill space but didn’t sell anything here!”) Which seems silly and disingenuous. Worse, the majority of these ads will tout a 30-day free trial for Spotify Premium…which I’ve already exhausted. Even when I click through the ad, I can’t have another 30-day trial. That’s very frustrating.

The other 25% of the ads, these days, are from Harley Davidson. I guess one sales exec closed a huge sale, and now for some reason I (a 25-year old city-based grad student) am reminded every four songs to go out and buy a motorcycle.

Second, as to value: Everyone’s going mobile. Internet traffic through cell phones is up something like a bazillion percent (exaggeration). And nobody seems to have any idea how to monetize it. Ads don’t seem to work. Facebook spent a billion dollars on Instagram (not exaggeration), and neither phone app appears to have any advertising present. Zynga’s company value is plummeting.

I think Spotify can monetize free-for-consumers on mobile without doing ads. In fact, I think they’re planning on it.

There’s one overwhelming difference, in my mind, between Spotify’s desktop and mobile experiences: Apps. And what’s ironic, with the Apple and Android phones being so app-centric, is that it’s Spotify’s desktop platform—not its mobile version—which is app-rich.

I’m not sure how Spotify’s desktop apps are monetized currently. On the iPhone, I know Apple takes a clean 30% cut of all app proceeds…but my guess is Spotify’s current app library is completely free. Maybe when I listen to a playlist on the Pitchfork app, Spotify sends the appmaker a small fee. Not sure.

How would this work on a mobile phone?

Can Spotify have its advertisers curate (and pay for) playlists, which I can listen to or even temporarily download for free for a period of time?

Here’s the thing with radio- and stream-based phone apps: They require ubiquitous connectivity to the network. There’s a crisis here. Internet radio is okay because I can relatively easily ensure that my laptop will remain in range of an internet signal for the duration of my listening session. The entire point of listening On-The-Go through my phone is that I’m actually on the go, and invariably will be passing through an elevator or a subway train on the way. My connection dies, the music stops, broken experience.

Let’s say Pitchfork, or heck, even Harley Davidson, now let me download a playlist which I could listen to for a week. Instead of ads after every other song, build in liner notes. “We picked Dawes / ‘That Western Skyline’ because  it reminds us of being out on the open road; troubles in our wake but still front of mind. This next track…” Sort of like a radio host who can add a bit of color and personality. His bits are catered so that they’re both relevant to the sponsor and to the music, so that all of a sudden the ads aren’t an apologetic interruption to the listening experience.

Here’s the best part: In Spotify’s original model, the ads are implemented in a way that they feel like a detraction from the intended good. I’ve actually casually spoken with members of the Spotify team who’ve brought up this sentiment, and suggested that it makes selling ads and building for the free product especially difficult. In my model, the advertiser is intrinsically adding value, both providing tangential content and affording me the ability to do something I couldn’t have done without their participation. Detracting is bad, adding is good.

As a result: One less reason for someone to say “I don’t have Spotify,” and one step closer to Spotify taking over the world.

Winter Break Playlist

I’m doing a lot of travel over winter break. I’ll be in Puerta Vallarta, MEX; Melville, NY; Chennai, IND; Beijing, CH; Changsha, CH; Shanghai, CH; Hangzhou, CH; Shenzhen, CH; Hong Kong, CH; and San Francisco, CA before returning back to school in late January.

I sent the following request to ten of my asked ten of my most accomplished friends to recommend any album of their choosing. Most of them were responsible. Album order was determined in order of response.

  1. Puerta Vallarta: Kendrick Lamar—Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City
  2. Melville: 十一月的蕭邦 – 周杰倫 [a.k.a. Jay Chou—November’s Chopin]
  3. Chennai: Various Artists—Dhoom 2: The Official Motion Picture Soundtrack
  4. Beijing: Howlin’ Wolf—The London Howlin’ Wolf Sessions
  5. Changsha: Mount Kimbie—Crooks and Lovers
  6. Shanghai: Waxahatchee—American Weekend
  7. Hangzhou: Pegasvs—Pegasvs
  8. Shenzhen: Architecture in Helsinki—In Case We Die
  9. Hong Kong: Love—Forever Changes
  10. San Francisco: MIA—Arular

You can snag the playlist on Spotify here (most of it; alas, the entirety of the Dhoom 2 soundtrack wasn’t available). If Spotifty’s not your bag, shoot me an email and I’ll Dropbox you the files.

Top 11: Now That’s What I Call Music CDs

[From the vault: Eleven Magazine, circa Spring 2009.]

Top 11: Now That’s What I Call Music CDs – By His Holiness, Josh.

You saw these commercials all the time on TV:  “Dive into summer with the new Now That’s What I Call Music! Featuring all of your favorite tracks like ‘We didn’t talk on AIM today and it makes me feel neeeeeeh’ by Whiny Emo Boy, and ‘I took a Dump on the Radio’ by Diarrhea Express Train Cart #6.  But I was curious to see if there might be any remotely redeeming quality to be found here.  So this time around, we’re going to look at the Top 11 Now, That’s What I Call Music albums.  Brace yourselves.

11. Now, That’s What I Call Music: Volume 28 – Released this year, featuring “Pocket Full of Sunshine,” “Sexy Can I?” Britney, Metro Station, Jordin Sparks, Daughtry, and Fall Out Boy. More simply, featuring every obnoxious song you hear on the radio today.  It’s probably the heaviest artillery that XM and Sirius could use to convince people to buy a satellite receiver.  Which is why it made the list.

10. Now, That’s What I Call Music: Volume 5 – Definitely the best of the bunch on the metric of having the greatest number of obscure “man, was that really a band or was my grade school slipping hallucinogens in the chocolate milk cartons” tracks.  Like Aaron Carter, 98 Degrees, Sisqo, BBMak, Mandy Moore, and Destiny’s Child.  Yeesh.

9. Now, That’s What I Call Music: #1’s! – They actually managed to sell some copies of a compilation disc made up of the best songs from the rest of their compilation discs.  I don’t know what’s most impressive:  That marketers were able to convince people to actually buy bottled water, or that they convinced people to actually buy this.  I want to meet the serial NOW buyer who had to add this to his/her/its collection.  Sadly, those kinds of places don’t normally allow for visiting hours.

8. Now, That’s What I Call Classic Rock – “Barracuda,” “More Than a Feeling,” “Carry on my Wayward Son,” “Surrender,” “Rock and Roll all Night”. In other words, it’s like buying Guitar Hero without, you know, the whole game thing.  But I bet you there’s a hungover fratboy out there somewhere whose ears just perked up.

7. Now, That’s What I Call Music: Volume 44 (UK) – The best-selling compilation album of all-time.  It has freaking everybody who’s anybody as far as you could tell from the world of casual music listeners who know nobody – Britney, Enrique, The Boys Backstreet and Venga, Diana Ross and Tina Turner, Bob Marley (somehow?) and Lou Bega, Jamiroquai, and one of the Spice Girls.   Damn.

6. Now, That’s What I Call Music: Volume 70 (UK) – For those uninitiated, the NOW series actually goes up to 70, with the 71st coming this November in the UK.  It’s got a couple of acts from this past year’s Lollapalooza, like Kanye West, Duffy, and The Ting Tings, which ought to make the album passable.  But the phrase “beating a dead horse” comes to mind.

5. Now, That’s What I Call Christmas – The best holiday gift to get someone you absolutely freaking can’t stand.  Hours of Christmas music that nobody wants to listen to, mass-marketed and splooged over with Christmas-ey lingo and snowflakes and crap.  It’ll feel great to buy for now, but oh are you on the naughty list for next year.

4. Now, That’s What I Call 25 Years – As a never-before-even-remotely-considered-purchase NOW customer, I’m probably the most legitimately excited about this compilation.  It’s a 3-disc behemoth, but I like that it has a number of classics like Michael Jackson, Queen, and The Police to go along with a bunch of future classics like OutKast, Gnarls Barkley, and Timbaland (I guess you could call them that?).  If my computer died and I didn’t have my hard drive and I didn’t have any friends and I didn’t feel the impulse to steal gratuitiously and I didn’t feel compelled to listen to entire albums instead of one song blips and just the other day I went to my dentist for a routine checkup but ended up lobotomized in a freak accident with the Benny Hill music playing in the background, then I’d still not really consider this.

3. Now, That’s What I Call Music: Volume 69 (UK) – You know, I didn’t even check the track list.  I just think it’s safe to assume that this is a funny album.

2. Now, That’s What I Call Music: Volume 1 – Nothing like an original.  I also would probably enthusiastically support any other album that featured Harvey Danger’s “Flagpole Sitta” and John Wozniak’s “Sex & Candy”.  Just not the one with “MMMBop” and “Barbie Girl” each a few tracks later.

1. Now, That’s What I Call Music: Volume 11 – It wouldn’t take a genius to arbitrarily decide that the NOW album marked with our namesake would be the best one.  11 does have a couple of solid tracks on it, like Nelly’s “Hot in Herre” and Shakira’s “Objection (Tango)”.  Still doesn’t make the disc (or any of the ones we’ve mentioned, for that matter) worth any of your 10 easy payments of $2.99, though.