College. Damn.

Here’s a video that fairly succinctly explains what graduation is like.

Second, a forewarning: This is a very *me* post.  If you have no interest in lists of inside jokes, see you next week.

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Of the many reasons why I like writing: Pieces of paper have an infinite memory.  The internet never forgets.

Here’s the (expanding) list of things I hope I’ll never forget about college.  Kind of like the closing scene from The Girl Next Door, only I’ve got more writing space to work with (and fewer Elisha Cuthberts).

Freshman Year

• Recouping
• RA Brian
• D3: Bigger, Longer, & Quacktastic
• “Zighbi,” “Skillz”
• Disco Dolls in Hot Heat in 3D
• Bear’s Den, the Bradley Bomb, the Buffalo Chicken Caesar, and of course, Patrick Ewing
• “wtf is b00n”
• Arrested Development at 2:00a.m.
• Half-pledging Beta
• Arnold and Shadows of the Collossus
• Something dying in our bathroom
• Not liking Marius when I first met him (I know, I don’t get it either)
• The bush near the B-school on the way to the frats
• “Push your limits” (by proxy)
• The shopping cart trip to Bear Mart
• Accidentally meatspinning Anthony’s mom
• Roller hockey, and relatedly:
  • The Garlands
  • “Step up, Matt R”
  • “C’mon, Sully”
  • “THURSTON”
  • “Slow ‘er down, JP! 21!”
  • “1-1-2”
  • Dollar Gatorades at Quik Trip
  • Bob Evans
  • The Hockey Playlist; “Walk Away”
• Neve Stash, Mikembe Dutumbo, and flipping the first letters of any two words
• The World-Champion Pittsburgh Steelers
• The Statue of David (and later, the iPod Guy, Soulja Boy, and the Juggernaut)

Sophomore Year

• Girlzilla
• Jonas, WR
• Raja Bell
• That other roommate
• Dick in a Box
• Mud Wrestling
• The Matt & Josh moving company
• “Unfortunately”
• Secret handshake with Craig
• Ski Trip
• Santa Fe
• Professor Johanek, Mark Shevitz
• Smash, and relatedly:
  • The Epic Sesh
  • The Rotay
  • Walkin’ it off
  • The Good Captain, his girlfriend Anne
  • Sweet Lou
  • Weakachu, the Win button
• How to Become a Hipster
• Ruining Beyonce
• Soulardi Gras

Junior Year

• “SND”
• Nature’s Glove
• Dan Beckman
• Driving to White Castle with Carlos in the snow
• Doo dah doo doo (and part 2)
• My office in the B-school
• All the crap I did abroad (needs a separate post)
• Girl Talk Concert, the Taser, Sammy
• The moustache party
• Rams games, outnumbering Rams fans 8-1 at the Rams-Steelers match
• Cigar Nights with Jake

Senior Year

• “Bang Out” Day
• Pocket Josh
• Climbing the fence onto the baseball field
• Margaret’s Birthday Party
• My Parents’ Birthday Gift
• “What do the 5 fingers say to the face?”
• Family Thanksgiving Dinner
• “Do you always go around trying to pick up gay guys?”
• Dan Kandy’s Party Dream
• The Prohibition Party, and subsequently, the Punishment Barbecue
• The 8.5-boy Man Room, and specifically:
  • Disagreeing with Straszheim about everything, simply on principle
  • Balls in the nuts
  • Going into Woody’s room to watch Youtube videos
  • Double D waking up on top of a pile of meat
  • “Tron!”
  • Bumming cigarettes from Brian
  • Brad ordering wings only for himself prior to the AFC championship game
  • Truffle Shuffles
  • Crossing swords with Owen Wilson
  • Always suggesting, but never eating dinner with Danny
• Getting Zach into Pinup Bowl
• Practically having Jimmy John’s on speed dial
• Five broken windows
• Discovering, after four years, that the local pizza place gives discounts to college students if you show your school ID
• The 45-minute Teach for America infomercial

If any of that made sense to you, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.  Man, what a heinously fast four years.