[Note:  This article appeared in Eleven issue 2.1, released circa September 2007]

So you’ve theoretically got your band “Ultimate Electric Dungaroos” or “Dilated Pupils of Theocratic Stablemen” or whatever. And you all look real badass with your too-cool-for-school pants. That should be enough to at least get you a review in some half-wit university-subsidized student-run mostly-full-of-themselves music magazine. But how do you go about achieving the fabled 11 out of 11 score? With a song.

 

Songs are pretty important. They’re on the radio and on the internet. I’d put them in the top 5 most important parts of music. Where would music be today without songs? Probably on the radio and the internet, but I mean, still.

 

Let’s recap. We learned last year about three of the other important parts of music: your attitude (hipster), your look (hair), and your identity (band name). One of these days I’ll figure out what that 5^th element is. Not that stupid Bruce Willis movie though.

 

…I guess all you freshman out there don’t really know the deal. You can all blame yourselves for not kicking and falcon punching your ways out of your parents wombs a year earlier. Now, on with the awesomeness.

Continue reading